A couple of weeks ago one of my friends asked a question that i thought was worth talking about. He inquired about how to overcome fears which pop up at times - even if everything is going good.

To be honest it is not an easy question to reply to considering that it differs for every person. There are actually thousands of books that have been written on that matter alone. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears generally involves lowering the gradient.

Exactly what are gradients? Gradients are similar to steps on a ladder. If you try to reach the top of the ladder on your first step, it will probably be impossible and you may fail. If you keep trying it again and again you will start building up a "complex" regarding failing, and soon stop trying anymore.

If you try to leap up five or six steps in your first attempt, it will also be frightening - not necessarily impossible but frightening. Probability is that if you have no experiences jumping that high you will fail too.

The correct approach is to take the initial step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most pleasant method to climb a ladder.

Here are a few examples of how I apply that to get over fears that pop up in meeting women and dating women:

As many guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. This can be especially frightening. Therefore while I am approaching a good looking woman in a party, instead of telling her how beautiful she is and how much I am fascinated by her (which exposes my fear of being shot down in front of a lot of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and just say "Hi." If a girl likes you or has an interest in you she will discover a means to carry on the conversation. If she doesn't then i understand she is not interested in me and the simple "Hi" just shows that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - so I don't feel shot down in front of other people.

If I am starting to date a woman and I am afraid of taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I will not ask her "Would you like to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she would like to chill, get cozy, and just watch TV at my place. If she doesn't want to get intimate she certainly won't want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my place. Or instead of trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will just hold her hand or give her gentle touches every now and then to discover how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will start touching me back to render me with the go ahead signal.

These are some examples. When you feel awkward and scared simply try to consider a lower gradient which isn't as frightening and allows you to make forward progress toward your main goal. If you do this you will learn how to meet women and how to connect with them in a short time.

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